I'm O.K. Everything is fine.
But I encountered my first wildlife attack in Thailand today. As I said, I'm ok. But it was pretty frightening to say the least. After screaming and almost crying, I regained my focus and thought back to some of my well-honed political skills that I've successfully used before on other unruly beasts.
I tried to debate it away with the facts. I attempted to smooth talk it. I used my cunning wit. I slammed the door. But when I opened it there he was with his big beady eyes challenging me to a duel. I even flashed a smile and batted my eyelashes a few times. No luck. This guy had the tenacity of a socialist and the blinders of a liberal. I thought about buying it a beer but I didn't think he was as fond of the brew as my former media colleagues. Like a good conservative, I tried batting it with a broom hoping I'd scare him away. He wasn't budging.
So I did what any good staffer would do. I let him stew in his place until he believed that my plan was his all along. A few hours later, the gigantic, razor-toothed, vicious lizard left my bungalow.
Ok, fine. It may have been a gecko but it was still really scary... #lifeafterpolitics